Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
