i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
