I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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