I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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