you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
