Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
