Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
