I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
