i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize