i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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