Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
