I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
