I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize