Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
