went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
