My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
