i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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