I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
