is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
