his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
