we have pet lesbian snakes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
