I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
