i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
