btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
