i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize