I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
