I'm pants shitting drunk right now
one two three fourrrrnication!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
