wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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