If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
