Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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