is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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