Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
