I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You're like the curious george of whores
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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