I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
