That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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