I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize