I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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