So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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