After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
