New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
