when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
