I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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