I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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