I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There r osticjed everywhere
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize