I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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