he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
