Whod you bang
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
