last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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