So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
