So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
