I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
