i jhust puked up my retainher.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
