her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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