Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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