The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
