the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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