there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
whose parrot is this?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
