The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
