Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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