Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
