I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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