I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Every concussion has its silver lining
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
