He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
