yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
