she was so not down for the gang bang
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
