By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
