I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
